Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
