That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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