he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
