Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
