Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
