Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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