based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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