We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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