Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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