He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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