Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
