you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
