Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
