I need help removing her.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
