Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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