So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I looked at my own cervix.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
