I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
