I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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