she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
