I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize