Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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