the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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