Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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