you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
