I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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