She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
