the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
