So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize