so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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