You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
