I just saw a hot homeless man
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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