that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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