porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
