i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Found the puke drawer
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
