Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
