i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
