dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize