the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
