on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
