Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
