Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
