he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
