I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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