I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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