i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
