Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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