my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
