He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I love having hate sex.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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