Someone shit on the floor
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
