Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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