my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
