that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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