Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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