I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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