i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
