Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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