OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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