Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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