I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
