im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
