I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
