I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
