I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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