Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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