my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
