We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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