Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
