I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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